Community & Discipleship
Bitterness vs. Forgiveness (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Forgiveness is a priority, a choice, and a perspective for those who have received God's forgiveness in Christ. Choosing forgiveness over bitterness frees us from the prison of resentment and opens the way to healing and a full life.
Forgiveness begins at the cross
Forgiveness is a priority because our faith begins at the cross. Romans 6:23 reminds us that the wages of sin is death, but God's gift is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. In 2 Corinthians 5:21, God made Jesus, who had no sin, to be sin for us so that we might become the righteousness of God. At the cross, God offered an exchange: our sin for forgiveness, righteousness, and eternity. Having received that forgiveness, we must also offer it to others, as Ephesians 4:32 calls us to do.
Bitterness is a prison and a poison (vv. 31-32)
Paul urges us in Ephesians 4:31 to put away all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice. Bitterness is a prison in which we hold the key ourselves, shaking the doors while the person who hurt us may have forgotten. The speaker quotes a leader of the Warsaw ghetto uprising from the documentary Shoah: 'If you could lick my heart, it would poison you to death.' Research cited in the message links prolonged resentment to heart disease and high blood pressure, while forgiveness brings health. Bitterness, he says, is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.
Forgiveness is a choice, and healing is a process
When Peter asked how often to forgive, Jesus answered seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22). Forgiveness is a choice we make, but healing is a process that may need to be renewed until the sting is gone. Josh McDowell shared that he was abused as a boy and later forgave his abuser, yet he learned that forgiving does not mean forgetting, and the pain lessened over time. Healing begins when we forgive from within. Isaiah 53:5 reminds us that by his stripes we are healed, and that healing is available today.
Forgiveness is a perspective of grace
Forgiveness also requires a perspective that sees our own need for grace. In Luke 7:47, Jesus says that the one forgiven much loves much, and Colossians 3:12-13 calls us to forgive as the Lord has forgiven us. Only the cross makes forgiveness possible, because there ultimate justice was served for those who trust Christ, and those who reject him will face justice in hell. The speaker recalls Nelson Mandela's meeting with tribal leaders who came armed with deep hatred, and how hearing each other's pain softened hearts. Hurt people hurt people, so forgiveness is necessary to break the cycle.
Five steps on the road to freedom
The speaker offers five steps toward freedom. First, admit your hurt and pain honestly, even toward people you love, perhaps by listing their names and what they did. Second, bring it to the cross and vent to God, who can handle it. Third, choose to trust Jesus and choose to forgive, which does not mean letting them get away with it. Fourth, depend on Christ for mercy and grace, writing a letter or using an empty chair when meeting the person is not wise. Finally, enjoy your life again and move on.
Apply to Life
- Let us admit our hurts honestly before God and bring them to the cross.
- Let us choose to forgive those who have wronged us, trusting God as the righteous judge.
- Let us release the bitterness that holds us captive, since we alone hold the key to that prison.
- Let us forgive as God in Christ forgave us, as Ephesians 4:32 calls us to do.
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